Living As A Cancer Survivor - Ghosts of Christmas Pasts & Hope for 2020
Mark Everett Kelly, seen here with his Uncle John Harper, is a 29-year survivor of Stage IV Rhabdomyosarcoma.
Merry day after Christmas, everyone. I had planned on continuing my post from last week on the Christmas of 1990. I wanted to say something else today, but I will do both things that I want to put in this blog today.
CHRISTMAS EVE/DAY 1990
I was released from Memorial Sloan-Kettering Hospital around 2:00 PM on Christmas Eve. I had so much stuff sent to me from friends and family since my admission that I needed four or five bags to fit all of my stuff.
Merry day after Christmas, everyone. I had planned on continuing my post from last week on the Christmas of 1990. I wanted to say something else today, but I will do both things that I want to put in this blog today.
CHRISTMAS EVE/DAY 1990
I was released from Memorial Sloan-Kettering Hospital around 2:00 PM on Christmas Eve. I had so much stuff sent to me from friends and family since my admission that I needed four or five bags to fit all of my stuff.
I spent Christmas Eve with my girlfriend, whom I starting dating three weeks prior. A death notice from cancer wasn't the best gift idea, but to her credit, it did not scare her away. Returning home for the first time since my diagnosis felt different. Gloomy, strange, and awkward, this was not the same home I left on December 10.
Christmas Day was much the same. Friends and family stopped by exchanging gifts, but no one knew what to say. Hope disappeared. The unknown invaded our house like someone stealing something. When the unknown is involved, discomfort follows. No one wants to say something wrong. Every visitor felt unsettled. I hope I never experience that again.
Whenever I visit families on a pediatric cancer floor, I see that look and feel that presence. Wherever you celebrate Christmas this season, please take a moment and pray for the other society that exists. I never imagined such despair exists, but it does.
There are infants, babies, toddlers, young children, and teenagers, facing a future that previously only existed in movies or other lives. Survivors fear their cancer returning and the mental exhaustion those thoughts bring. Count your blessings, and please encourage anyone open to helping the cancer community.
LEARNING FROM 2019
Now that I got that out of the way, 2019 was a hard year for this blogger. I learned many hard, embarrassing lessons, and the timeline I gave myself to succeed following my divorce, I failed to meet. That said, I did take encouraging steps in many directions.
MY PRAYER FOR THE NEW YEAR - YOU MATTER
May God continue to shine His blessings on everyone. If you are alone, feel worthless shame, guilt, loneliness, and fear that you don't matter, you do. I think the same way. Don't blame God or believe His promises aren't sufficient. The only thing believers or non-believers can do is be present. Be accountable. Be honest. Be sincere. Use the talents God gave you to honor He created you for a purpose. No other person can give the world your unique gift.
God knew YOU in the womb (Jeremiah 1:5). He knows all your worries, faults, lies, failures (past and present). God knew all of it long before you did. However, He came to take those burdens and throw them away. That does not mean we carelessly continue doing those things. What do you owe others, yourself, and your Creator? - REAL. HONESTY. You try. You GET UP. You go to the people you lied to, betrayed, and let down, and you OWN UP. BE A MAN/WOMAN. Don't make excuses.
Don't allow the shit in this world and lies of the enemy to destroy you and remove your purpose. You ARE Important. You DO MATTER. You are LOVED. Keep trying. Keep plugging. Your sins, mistakes, and transgressions are covered.
I am down and hurting now. I am broke, behind on bills, and incredibly stressed about what other bills and payments I can't make. My body is breaking down. I have to drag my skinny ass out of bed and deal with pain, fevers, intestinal blockages, etc.
The world sees me as a loser now. But I will continue to spit in the eye of the enemy that wants me to give up. That will NEVER happen. They will have to drag my skinny ass to the grave to stop me from fighting, kicking, and screaming. Keep fighting. Don't quit. You do matter. May God continue to bless and keep you. Happy New Year!
NO BLOG NEXT WEEK
NO BLOG NEXT WEEK
There will be no blog for the week of December 30.
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